well, it was bound to happen sooner or later… i had my inevitable 1st half emotional meltdown… i usually have one or two per contract, those days where everything seems to stack up and feel utterly overwhelming – for me it usually involves being homesick, especially missing nino, the fellas, my folks, and even thinking about the dog on this day will put a serious lump in my throat… i also have missed having a nap the last few days because we’ve had busy times and back to back port days for a week, and i hate to miss anything… that usually means i push time off the ship 'til i absolutely have to go back, then i write my song and then it’s time to get ready for work… if i have my self-discipline cued up, i will make myself leave shoreside fun an hour before i actually want to, so i can write the song and still have an hour or hour and a half to sleep… my sleep at night is usually short (4-6 hours), so the nap becomes fairly critical at some point because i have to put a good product out seven nights a week for many weeks in a row… i am also due in another few days to get a shot that i have to take every 10-12 weeks ever since a few years ago, and things get a little dicey for me towards the end of that window… guess i shoulda seen it coming!
anyway, on with the meltdown… i was a bit surprised because i had heard from bob that my parents had decided to go to victoria for the weekend – don’t get me wrong, i am truly happy for them, because it is absolutely one of my favorite spots ever (bob and i were engaged there and spent many weekends of our courtship there when bob was playing with a trio up there!) and they really deserve a nice valentine getaway… it was, however, a bit wistful for me, because i had wanted bob and i to introduce them to “our” victoria, and had planned to go at the winter holidays with them to celebrate their big 50th, and i felt like they had kind of scooped our plans right down to high tea at the empress (where we were engaged) where i wanted to take my mom… so there was that, plus, it made me miss bob horribly to even think of the empress and being there with him… i know my folks will have a fabulous time and fall in love with it, too, and i’m sure we’ll still go there with them some other time, and, tho lovely, it wouldn’t be something brand new and special i can “give” them at this point, so, all in all, i was feeling really quite emotional about that… it also hadn’t helped that i started the morning with people asking me (in a frowny-faced way) about my son and “what does he do while you are away?” before i even had my coffee, and, no offense, nino, and i never would actually say this, but sometimes i want to tell them you are doing time for holding up liquor stores and running a meth lab because i am such a terrible mother and see if that shuts them up; i can't believe people being so intrusive at an emotional level and also on my time while i was trying to just have some cereal... also a full moon is looming in the next couple of days (we are a day ahead here), and i am a bit of a natural lunatic (as everyone in my family can attest to), AND i was stuck on the ship for ipm, AND there are valentine decorations being put up everywhere and this is yet another valentine’s day away from my sweethearts… 3-2-1, meltdown...
long story short, i had to go to my room, call my mom and dad and weep a bit over the phone until they could talk me down a little, then cry a little more to get it out of my system, call them back again, watch part of a crappy movie to distract myself for awhile (ah, blessed tv, the plug-in drug…), talk myself out of having a liquid lunch at the officer’s bar, take a few deep breaths, remember dear camp director nancy's voice in my head ("how do you want to feel about this?") take a shower and visualize my angst going down the drain and go to work and really try hard to put something good out there… i found it interesting that during all this, my toilet became stopped up, as feng shui tells us that blocked plumbing is a clear sign of real emotional turmoil and blocked feelings… i left a note for my room steward to please call the plumber and crossed my fingers it would happen.
i had a very good gig, actually, came home, the toilet was fixed and i slept, mercifully, quickly and quite heavily… thanks bob and nino and mom 'n pop (and cabin steward!)! there’s no one out here with whom i really can discuss these things… and i am already onto a different, and, i think, very cool idea for celebrating your big anniversary when bob and i get back (and this time, i don’t think i will tell you much about it except for picking out the days with you on the calendar that you can get away!) – i promise it will be lovely and very special and something you haven’t done before, will be relaxing, and you will like it a lot! i just think 50 years is worth celebrating with something unique!
last night’s theme was fun ‘n games, episode 3, and when i realized nobody in the lounge really wanted to do a music trivia game, we chucked the idea and just did some music… i had a fairly full lounge, too… i saved the trivia and the prizes for my hard core late-nighters, who are also very knowledgeable about musical minutiae (sp?) and they enjoyed it… on a happy note, my ill late-nighter who had medically d-bark’d, was back! so at least she’s alive! she is, tho, in peril of being booted off the ship, which they apparently already told her she was, and she was basically like, “i don’t think so!” and hasn’t left… yet… i have a feeling they may have the authority to send her off, which is sad, but at least she is doing better than she was, so thanks for the well wishes many of you sent! i will be sure to share those with her! no pictures of me weeping or my blocked toilet today... (i am sure this is ok, right?)
i hope you do have fun, mom n pop! victoria is beautiful, and i know you will have a great valentine's day there, so relax and enjoy it! besides tea, there is a great museum, glass bottom boats, enclosed butterfly garden, butchart gardens, oldest china town on west coast, beautiful shops, cafes and restaurants and more... or you can just look out at the boat harbor, order room service and chill! cheers, diwan
port song for dunedin
(to the tune of ‘raindrops are fallin’ on my head’)
raindrops are fallin on my head
this morning i rose early but i stayed a while in bed
and then i put some wash in
i knew i had ipm so i stayed here for breakfast
and then i had an exciting liferaft drill
we all got to practice in a real raft, what a thrill
it lasted ‘til 11-ish
and then it was time to go and switch out my laundry
cause there’s one thing i know
if you don’t grab a dryer when your wash is done, you won’t get one
cause someone else will pull your clothes out
(you snooze, you lose)
and then it was time to do my blog
i try to keep up daily as a journal and travelogue
miss my family and my dog so
gotta keep em up to date with what i am doin’
so they will know --- where on earth i do go (instrumental interlude)
it wasn’t long before i saw those raindrops falling
(raindrops, they’re tops)
no, me i never mind the rain
in fact i prefer the clouds and gloom to sunburn pain
some think i’m insane but
the negative ions you get when rain starts to falling
re-charge my mind, for me dunedin was fine
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