day 26 - rarotonga, cook islands

moody skies over rarotonga

a couple of minor disappointments – the seas were so rough today that open tenders did not occur until well after lunch… i heard one crew member even fell in today – they are ok, but no thanks!  it was also raining, and there was no crew money exchange available yet, guests only… oh well… i did get a couple of pictures.  i didn’t feel too bad because it turns out that the island is fairly religious and everything is closed on sundays anyway, so i guess i didn’t miss much except terra firma…

my theme tonight was the music of mel torme… i still remember little nino (2 yrs old) quietly scat singing along with the velvet fog until he discovered we were listening to him, then he would clam up!  johnny and i at least had the happy confirmation that he had great big musical ears… it’s such a pleasure to hear him playing the guitar and making music with his friends… glad he’s kept up with it!  (you rock, nino!)  anyway, no set hijackers tonight!  everyone was well behaved as usual…

my port song was inspired by the rain, the clock changing again (time travel) and the cannibal history of the south pacific islands… enjoy!

port song for rarotonga, cook islands

(to the tune of “have you ever seen the rain” by creedence clearwater revival)

someone told me long ago, cannibals over here did roam,              

i know, ‘cause i traveled back today in time  

i went back many yesterdays; one look at me and they yelled, “buffet!”       

so i ran down to hide by papua waterfall,

and i wanna know have you seen rarotonga rain      

have you ever been chased through that rarotonga rain

by cannibals from from those olden days                                                                                                                                         

i felt like i’d been here before; the rain was comin down so hard                  

i know – cause it rains in seattle all the time;

i wasn’t sure quite where to go, i crept the ancient coral road so slow        

no sign of the cannibals and i wondered;

where did they go in the rarotonga rain

where did they go, in that rarotonga rain? 

maybe they found another lunch date                                               

i heard a sound come from behind; i turned around and lost my mind

there stood a cannibal through the ferns n mist

i asked if it’s true that we taste like pork, he pulled out his cannibal fork

he thought a sec, and said, “tastes more like chicken, i guess!” 

man, i ran fast through the rarotonga rain

i mean i hauled ass through that rarotonga rain        

you never seen a big girl run so fast

i got to the sacred marae; those temple places of yesterday

i saw a magical portal through the trees

leaped over all the sacred stones, i’ll boast!  didn’t want to be their sunday roast

i cleared the mystic gateway and shouted out with glee

and i came back thru ancient rarotonga rain

into today and the rarotonga rain,

a quiet sunday and no cannibals left

just nice people, no cannibals left

day 25, at sea

what a lovely visit we had in bora bora the past couple of days… it seemed to put everyone in good spirits!  i am tentatively reporting i may be slowly but surely bringing my heckler around, trying to kill her with a little kindness (and clearly craved attention…); i am also knocking on wood as i write, lest it be a fluke, but she has been much better the last couple of nights and even… gasp… nice when i chatted with her during the day… will keep you posted… i also got piano man’s last obvious hold out to come in and have some fun, so i feel fairly victorious today.  it has taken 3 weeks to develop my own room, build my own fan base, dispel the grumbles and convert his followers… not bad!   

tonite was formal nite, tropical formal to be precise, and my 7-8 was packed, even the benches and window seats in the hall outside the lounge… i wore a black and purple floral top with a black skirt and draped a hand-painted pareo with giant hibiscus all over it (from artist’s studio on bora bora) on the piano… my theme set at 9 was called “what are you wearing?” and featured songs with items of clothing in the title – the audience kept thinking it was still random request time, and i kept trying to guide them back to the program i had planned (people have no idea how many hours it takes to plan and prepare all the pieces for these themed sets for 110 nights in a row!)… after the 4^th failed attempt at maintaining a topical thread, i told them we would abandon the planned program and i would do a song lyric association set instead… this means i would do a song and that some lyric within that song would suggest the next, and so on… i had to remain steadfast and play a cohesive set from 9-10… i always do open it back up to requests (mixed with my choices when they aren’t sure what they want) after 10 or 10:30.  i wish they understood that i simply can’t do all-request all night 4-5 hours a night 7 nights a week unless it is only a week or 2 week cruise… otherwise, we will have blown through everything they can think of before we hit sydney and i will be in constant repeat mode ever after… the planned sets have tons of stuff they love and won’t think to ask for, but you play it, and they are like “ooo!”, audibly, even… most of the time, they are trusting me, but last night… oy!  thanks for letting me vent a little…

i am in the café writing surrounded by many happy dutch people all speaking at once… kind of surreal after 15 minutes… our ship has mostly americans, canadians, dutch, european and some aussies…

i was a bit twitterpated that one of our guest entertainers, the celebrated  Australia singer/actor peter cousins came in and introduced himself at the end of my set last night and complimented what i was doing – he said he had heard about me and wanted to hear some of my port songs next time i played… they are getting more popular as people figure out they are a regular feature – i am sure they lose something in translation here, in a written format, but it is a little gimmick i think is mine alone in the fleet, and, yes, if i sound a little pleased, i am… it is hard to find a way to be unique in the herd, and i am not a prop (hats, glasses, toys, etc.) player like a handful of them, or a really flashy dresser (like piano man), or a pyrotechnical player (louder, faster, higher); i mostly just play and sing without any schmaltz, talk to people, we all share our adventures like show and tell each night, do a few singalongs and games here and there to keep them awake and a part of things, and i do port songs and special occasion songs and toasts that are a bit silly.  as an entertainer, what makes you different is what makes you special or memorable, so if people are chatting up the port songs, i am a happy camper… cheers!  -df

day 24, second day of bora bora

forgot to mention my theme last night was “south by south pacific.”  that means anything from the musical plus any other references from the south or southern bands… everything from bali hai to lynrd skynrd… i’m glad i get to make my own programs, so i can keep it interesting for myself as well as the guests!

today, woke up early, got some starbucks instant (dark roast, italian), picked up my crew escort papers, went ashore a bit early and waited by the tour bus that would take us around the island… it was an overview of island highlights, landmarks, nice scenery, but sort of a repeat of the day before… not that i minded driving around this beautiful island again! no exciting 4 x 4 action, but it was very pretty… i think the guests enjoyed it, too… the one thing we saw today that i didn’t see the day before was the weird sand crab… i guess they are ornery, and will pinch you on purpose, so they wouldn’t let us get out… (maybe i should bring one back for somebody… hmmm…) there are these big holes in the sand, and if you throw hibiscus blossoms at the holes, the crabs come slowly out of the ground, grab them and drag them back underground… it was very weird… i guess they eat them.  kids here capture them and feed them for a few days, and when the crab, away from his sand home, begins to turn orange, apparently it’s time to cook them with some coconut milk… sounds good!

my theme tonight was fun and games, episode 2… we did another furious round of name that tune, and the gal who sits at the bar by herself every night won…  people can play teams of 4, and for her to win by herself was pretty good, cause i make them fairly difficult… i think have a new appreciaton for her now…

here is the bora bora port song... will post a few more pics later tonight when the bandwidth is less crowded… cheers!!! –df

bora bora port song

(to the tune of janis joplin/kris kristofferson’s “me and bobby mcgee”)

(i picked this song cause janis’ nickname was pearl...  there always has to be an association with the place!)

busted flat in bora bora, is no way to be,

it’s a very pretty but spendy kind of isle

it’s a french speaking paradise, in the middle of the sea,

i know that i could stay here for awhile

i knew we’d have two days here so i booked a coupla tours;

between the two i much preferred the first

the 2nd one was nice n all, but the 1st day out we had such a ball

4-wheeling up the mountains thru the dirt

freedom’s just another word for playing, having fun,

and playing on bora bora honey sure ain’t free

but me and some friends in a big old jeep

with an open roof in the sun

those memories are souvenirs enough for me,

and cheaper than lunch and drinks at bloody mary’s

our driver was a guy named frank, he showed us all around,

he even brought along his old guitar

we stop’d at his friend’s an artist’s home

and while they passed the fresh fruit round

we jam’d n sang some songs we all knew by heart

that’s the thing about playing music, doesn’t matter where you’re from

or what language you grew up with in your home,

all you need is an old guitar and music in your heart

and you can make new friends everywhere you roam

freedom’s just another word for loving what you do,

and doing it here in bora bora we sure are blessed

in fact we saw some dogs just doing it there beside the road

i thought all they did was sleep, they seemed depressed,

i guess after doing it they just need some rest

the views were so amazing, we saw guns left from the war,

we went up n down the mountains we could climb

thru forests slapped by palm fronds; we saw wild pigs by the shore,

we sang n screamed n had ourslves a time

then we had a final choice to make, before we headed back,

to go see a pearl farm or a famous bar

we all chose boody mary’s, i drank a 5 dollar diet coke,

it was the best crew tour that i have had so far

freedom’s just another word for living without a net,

and living on a working vacation suits me

making music all around the world with people i just met

it’s like making an artificial extended family,

i hope i’ll get back to bora bora eventually

la la la… la la la la… etc…

day 23, first day of bora bora

view from up high of across the crater

the water colors are beautiful

our drivers - frank (w/uke) was ours, and brought the guitar

what a dreamy, magical, otherworldy landscape!  we have an overnight port here, and it’s truly the first place we have been so far that i would call an island paradise… makes you know why it has inspired books, songs, movies… unbelievable!  it made grand cayman look like a trailer park… anyway, the pictures won’t quite do it justice, but I hope you like them…  most of you all know that i am a gloom queen, preferring clouds, rain and moody weather full of negative ion smells, but i have to say, with enough spf 70 on, i enjoyed this place immensely – tho balmy, it’s not sticky, tho hot, there are beauiful island breezes, an occasional brief rains and then more sun… gorgeous tropical flowers everywhere… it really is like heaven… and all the high school french that i stayed up on continues to come in handy throughout french polynesia… they also speak tahiitian here…

everything on bora bora is quite expensive, and there are some beautiful resorts… it is one of the top 2 honeymoon destinations, and a hollywood actor haven, apparently.   many wild dogs roaming about, tho they all seem like they are on tranquilizers… they leave people alone and just lay around, mostly… to my surprise, i began to imagine coming here with bob for a month for vacationing, gigging, writing or something – and i had not previously considered i would dig the tropical island vacation, but bora bora is amazing…

did a really fun crew excursion with off-road vehicles driving through forests, up mountain tracks that were very bumpy and scary in places!   what awesome views!  our driver was named frank, had a sense of humor and a guitar, and the other driver a ukulele… we stopped at an artist’s studio on the hill with beautiful gardens and fresh fruit for us… they played song s and invited dan and i to play and sing – dan is our guitar player friend who stayed at our house for the holidays and is also on this voyage with the show band.  I will never again leave my melodica on the ship – you never know when music will happen… it’s like a tv show… bursting into song is certainly always acceptable… we ended at the famous bar, bloody mary’s, immortalized in michener and south pacific, and some of us, at least for a fraction of a second I’m sure imagined going awol… (certainly not me!)

since it is an overnighter, my bar was only busy from 7-8 and about half my usual crowd after that… that’s ok… still had my late nght regulars and a few newbies… most crew were headed to party at the beach after work, but i have a guest tour to meet at 8:45 in the morning, so, tho it sounds fun, i don’t think i’ll be joining them… more tomorrow with port song!  i will do pictures later since it is taking forever right now... a bientot!  -df

day 22 – papeete, tahiti

land ho!  i didn’t get to leave the ship today, but it was nice to see land again… there’s a couple of pics here from the deck.  the weather was fair to cloudy with a few light rain showers in the late afternoon… very pretty scenery here… in 2009 i did a lagoon tour in tahiti, so i did get to see some cool stuff the last time i was here.  i know the guests are glad to be able to get off the ship for a bit!

it was very sad, however, to say goodbye to one of my guests who lost her husband a couple of days ago… they had been hearty participants singing along and having fun, and she came in to tell me he had passed away and asked me to sing a song for him… that was pretty tough, but it does happen out here from time to time – i’ve never lost a piano bar regular before, tho…. she will be taking him back to the states and not continuing the trip… it’s a reminder how fleeting things are and how you have to enjoy every moment and be grateful for your loved ones… i am a bit emotionally hung over, and will be keeping her in my thoughts for a hassle free trip home – i can only imagine how challenging that would be…

the day was a busy one, up early, a general abandon ship drill at 10am, working on songs for the roundup (i got 20 this week!  go, me!), writing a port song, no nap today, and work…

on a cheerier note, i met one of our guest entertainers, and i am thrilled that she is the great jazz stride pianist, judy carmichael!  i have listened to her radio show on kplu before, and she is pretty amazing – think art tatum, fats waller, joann castle, that boom chuck boom chuck stride left hand… i asked if i could cop a lesson whle she’s here, and she was so nice – she came by the piano bar and hung out and, while a bit nervewracking, i was glad she stopped by… we also embarked a new lecturer who is an astronomer… her name tag said 'star lady,' and i thought either she had hippie parents or she’s here to teach us southern constellations… it was, indeed, the latter… good times!  i am an astronomy nerd since high school (didn't want to take biology where i might have to cut up frogs or fetal pigs...), so i'll be happy to stargaze with a pro.

my theme tonight was “la vie en rose” since we are in french polynesia… made me think of bob’s and my outrageous and wonderful wedding and trip to paris!  ooh la la!  can't wait to go back there someday!  here is the tahiitian port song… hope you are well!  xo, df

waterfront in papeete

more waterfront

moody skies today over the mountains

port song for papeete, tahiti

(to the tune of “let’s call the whole thing off”)

you say papeete, and i say papiti, you say tahyetye  and i say tahiti

papeete, papiti, tahyetye, tahiti, let’s call the whole thing off

you say group tour and i say wing it, you say leave the umbrella, and i say bring it

group tour, wing it, leave it, bring it, let’s call the whole thing off

Ooooo if we call the whole thing off, then we must part       

Ooooo who knew i was married to, such a grumpy old fart

you say snorkeling and i say shopping, you say beaches and i say bar hopping

snorkeling, shopping, beaches, bar hopping, let’s call the whole thing off

you say, hey there, and i say bonjour! you say, no thanks, and i say, oui bien sur!

hey there, bonjour, no thanks, oui bien sur, let’s call the whole thing off

you say postcards and i say black pearls, i say big ones!, and you say, down girl!

postcards, black pearls, big ones, down girl!  let’s call the whole thing off

Ooooo if we call the whole thing off, then we must part

Ooooo and if you took your wallet with you that might break my heart

you’ve had enough, but i want some more-a, and tomorrow we’ll be in old bora bora

enough!  some more-a! two days in bora bora, let’s call this calling off off

we’ll split bora bora, and one day, i promise - we’ll go and play golf!

day 21 – at sea

in one day the clock’s many changes of this past week have caught up and finally kicked my butt… i am now waking up too early even tho i stay up quite late, and am now officially sleepy as if it were bedtime, only at 2pm… writing class time… i began nodding off in class a couple of times and felt bad, hoping the writers sharing didn’t think i found them boring… we actually have a really neat group! since i had a later lunch i decided to sleep thru dinner, and hit the lido late night after the gig. good choice… the sleep was delicious…

tho i have in-port manning in tahiti, i was very excited to find out i was chosen as a crew escort for an upcoming ‘highlights of bora bora’ tour for our guests… that means i don’t pay the 150-250 dollars to go on a very nice guided tour, stopping at interesting places, seeing cool stuff, etc…. i’ll only need to be a goodwill ambassador on behalf of the ship, count heads, bring sunscreen, make sure nobody leaves their purse or glasses in the van, etc… that will be on bora bora day two, and on day one, i will be going on a crew tour on off road vehicles to get to some scenic spots in a wild and wooly giant jeep sort of way… cool!

tonight’s theme was great movie themes… we did it trivia style where they had to name what film it was from… many were easy (like “as time goes by” from casablanca, or “moon river” from breakfast at tiffany’s), but a few were trickier (“you never can tell” from pulp fiction, “it might be you” from tootsie)… it was a fun set, tho many bailed a little earlier than usual, except my hard core late nighters, because they had morning excursions planned in tahiti.  i will have in-port manning, so i will be working on this weeks request roundup songs (and no, i didn’t find you know who’s requests in any of my stuff) but i’ve got some good ones, everything from roger whittaker to paul simon, so i will be quite busy enough!

i am sad to say farewell to my new friends from our guest entertainers, katzenjammer (they are hysterical! they played a few of their more irreverent numbers they do in cabaret back home, and i almost peed myself…), cheryl sinclair, the nice singer from england who nailed the shirley bassey bond song medley, and our guest lecturer and pirate expert, melvin foster, a great voice to listen to and an outrageously large mustache, lots of fun folks… can’t wait to see who comes on next!

get ready for a lot of meat and potatoes content, songs and pictures, as the long sea day stretches are about done as of tomorrow... we will still have one or two here or there, and second half there are a couple of 4 or 5 day marathons, but we are about to do many island, new zealand and australian ports practically back to back... hope you all are well! cheers, df

day 20 - at sea

sea day picture with rubber duck seahorse cloud

well, we have gained an hour every day for the last 5 days… i keep waking up earlier and earlier… got my laundry done, sets prepped, writing done and all before 11:30… amazing!  i think we will keep gaining an hour each day ‘til we hit papeete, tahiti after the next two sea days… i have in-port manning in tahiti, but will try to get off for an hour or so if the band is called for a rehearsal – one of them could maybe cover for me if they have to stay behind… i’ll cross my fingers and wait and see, i guess…

tonight was mutiny on the bounty night, formal dress, and there were many people who threw some pirate flair into their outfits.  they showed the movie, mutiny on the bounty with marlon brando, and it was interesting to get the hollywood story (i’d never watched it before).  i am including a picture of the bounty replica given to our captain.  my theme was pirate and pub songs, and we learned pirate speak, and i also had the top 10 pirate pick up lines… lots of singalong opportunities and the crowd was wonderful and yelled out “arr!” everytime a pirate walked by… lots of fun!  got a couple of tricky irish pub songs i’ve been wanting to add, which gives me a bit of a jump in st. patty’s day prep… you kind of have to think ahead in terms of prepping stuff!

forgot to mention that night before last, i got to have dinner in the guest dining room with some of my guests who invited me, and that was really lovely… had the escargots and a ny steak… yum!  very nice folks, too… i got to spend some time today with the lecturer on board and interviewed him over coffee about the most fierce and longest career pirates, the women pirates!  who knew?  they were far more vicious than the men, they worked for years rather than months, and many did so in drag… some were never discovered to be women until well into their careers or posthumously… true pioneers… so fascinating!  thinking that could be a good screenplay, album project, or something… certainly sparks the imagination…

big thanks to bob for sending lyrics and mp3’s as needed for the requests i can’t field within louise’s vast resources… part of it is also that the internet out here is slow and costly, the bandwidth is small and crowded, and it’s faster to send a list to bob who can collect the lyrics quickly and cheaply and email them in a bundle…  thank you, sweetheart!  you are the best, and i am counting the days ‘til you join me out here!  hug my babies (love you bean; hug gimli!) for me, and johnny and the folks, too!

xoxo, diane (mama)

bounty replica given to our captain

port song for pitcairn island

(to the tune of the theme song from “gilligan’s island”)

just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale

a tale of a fateful trip

of some mutineers and tahiitian folk

aboard that bounty ship

they went from tahiti to a tiny isle

more than 200 years ago

and their descendants live there to this day

with the same last names you know

their revenue comes from selling goods

and postage and domain names

i think that if i lived there,

i’d surely go insane

they’ve had their share of drama, too,

with alcohol and crime

they had to build a jail there

so folks could do some time

they have two english tv channels

one is cnn

the other’s turner classic movies,

so they can see mutiny on the bounty again

they fit their population

on a longboat yesterday

and came aboard to share what life

is like for them today

they had a giant decksale

with their arts and crafts and honey

and went to the spa and the liquor store

to spend some of their money

it used to be against the law

to dance or have a drink

or show public affection

but it’s loosened up I think

they now have a café bar in town

no piano I hear tell

so I won’t be staying there any time soon

for me it would be hell

i bought some honey and a tea towel, too,

and a wooden spoon so fair

and a t-shirt made in china

i guess you can’t get away from that anywhere

the picture of the outside world

they get must be quite strange

with the television ne -e-ws   

and the cruise ships, to-o-o

they must wonder at our blessings and our strife            

unlike their simple life

so I’m guessing they will prob’ly stay 

stay there on pitcairn isle!

day 19 – pitcairn island

pitcairn island

bounty bay where hmas bounty was burned and sank 221 years ago

holy cow!  today was scenic cruising of pitcairn island, on the 221^st anniversary of the sinking of the bounty in bounty bay by the bounty mutineers, fletcher christian, his cohorts and polynesian companions… it’s too dangerous to land in anything other than a small craft and there are large rocks, so since we couldn’t go ashore, the entire village of 55 people, descendants of the four original families, came out to board the ship in a long boat… there’s only 6 school-age children.  they gave a presentation in the show lounge about their life on the island, and set up an enormous deck sale of the world famous pitcairn island honey (a favorite of the other world’s most famous inbred bunch, the windsors), wooden handicrafts from the unique woods of theirs and neighboring islands, t-shirts, postcards with pitcairn island postmarks, etc… each table had vendors’ names, the same surnames as the original bounty sailors… some are now sixth or seventh generation…

i recommend going online and reading about it – it is quite a singular history.  strange and fascinating.  they now have internet (small bandwidth), very expenive telephone service, mostly they still use marine shortwave radio… they only get 2 tv channels, cnn and the turner classic movies… what kind of a weird vision of the world might that combination build in a person?  i suppose they could watch “mutiny on the bounty” from time to time…

my theme tonight was “new and easier to swallow”… that means palatable versions of songs they would never probably otherwise hear from the 80’s to now, like guns and roses, tom petty or red hot chili peppers… it went well.  during my 1st set, the heckler was back… she asked for some songs i have never heard of and have never been asked for in my entire career… when i told her i didn’t have them, she had some interesting feedback, and i’m like, great, here we go again!  anyway, i had her next choice, and she settled down and moved along after cocktail hour – i called the waiter over and i asked him what room she’s in… he said he didn’t know but will find out next time she’s in… i will definitely just turn her over to my boss…  tomorrow will be a formal mutiny on the bounty night, and i will be preparing pirate and pub songs… i won’t do a pitcairn island song til then, so i will post that one tomorrow… ciao for now!  -df

longboat with population of pitcairn island

visitors preparing to embark

children and other residents in marshaling area checking in

day 18 – sea day

i am chuckling… i went to my boss and asked if i might speak to him for a moment; i explained my issue with the inebriated heckler of the previous night and asked his advice on the matter… see, at home, in a dueling bar, for instance, i can say whatever i want to someone, or even elbow someone in the chops with the clubowner’s blessing if they are in my space or trying to grab the mic, but out here, i need to exercise discretion… he walked through his tentative solutions on the matter with me, and then added, as a joke, “or in the words of the great belle barth, you could say ‘shut your hole, honey, mine’s making money!’”  ahhh, obi wan, you are so wise!  he also said if they continued in this boorish behavior, to find out the name and stateroom from the waiter, and he would address the situation personally… even better!  i’m ready for anything, now!  (it’s nice to feel supported in the workplace!)  later, the music director came by with a little envelope, i opened it, and there was a little worry doll pin from south america… i asked who sent it, and he said it was from my boss… i thought that was sweet, so i wore them to the gig…

with the extra hour we keep getting each night, i am waking up earlier each day and getting stuff done well before lunch… nice!  it gives me time to work on my pirate songs in preparation for pitcairn island (everyone give a hearty “arrrgh!”).  i am also learning some new showtunes for all my broadway-obssessed people.  i have stubbornly resisted getting on the broadway train as long as i can with mere flirtations to assuage people, like “memory”, from cats, or “don’t cry for me argentina,” from evita, but i am going to have to suck it up and just get on board (sigh…).  it’s not performing the songs that bugs me, it’s the listening to them over and over to learn them well… broadway has never been first on my preferred playlist, particularly newer broadway… some of the voices are like drill bits (that chick from 'wicked' for instance) in my ear… i know this is not a popular position and that true fans are horrified that i find it so hard to wrap around… what can i say?  there is no arguing about taste, it is subjective and i just feel about 80% of newer broadway shows the same way i feel about liver or lima beans… i don’t like ‘em. 

older gershwin stuff, cole porter, or rodgers and hart/hammerstein, or irving berlin, i do love the lion’s share of that, so at least i can build up my broadway book with a lot of classics, but then i have to do something from phantom of the opera (you try, as a female lower alto singer, to do andrew lloyd webber’s “music of the night” like michael crawford in any key that works in a female range that doesn’t go into a very uncomfortable area!) or wicked (i am somehow missing the entire wicked appreciation chipset altogether, interesting book, tho…), and i feel suddenly that this is now like working - like it’s a job… oh, it is!?!?  that’s right, i had forgotten!  hee hee…  let’s just say thank god for sondheim, one of the only modern broadway composers whose music i actually really enjoy, so i have decided to focus on him and sir elton john’s lion king – those two guys at least have harmonic structures, melody and content that actually appeal to me, so all is not lost…

my theme tonight featured music from the 70’s… I kept it on the “mellow gold” side… some eagles, some james taylor, some pretty rolling stones… i also got to debut episode one of “piano broad,” my version of billy joel’s piano bar national anthem “piano man” (which i get to play nearly every night of my entire life… i guess things could be much worse than that…), and will do subsequent episodes every few weeks.  i’ve included it here (by the way bob, there’s a joke in it about you coming here so i can sell cd’s… it’s just a joke, sweetie; you and everyone else here knows i am rabid for you to arrive!);  i will also start to include a few pics of some of the day-to-day things i talk about here since there aren’t usually pictures on my sea day entries…

big shout out to grandpa who volunteered to take nino to get a surge protector and backup drive for his new computer (good thinking!  thanks grandpa!!!)!  you are a lucky young man, nino, to have so many folks at home looking out for you while mama’s on the road… i am so very grateful for that!  big thanks to johnny, bob, my folks, and sawyer’s and austin’s folks… it takes a village, as they say!  i love you, bean! 

XoXXoooXoXOx, mama

my virtual nano-dog gimli icon and my friend louise, the ipad

piano broad, volume 1

( to the tune of billy joel's "piano man")

well it’s 8/10 o’clock on a friday – the regular crowd shuffles in

& i plug in my mic & get a beverage, another piano bar evening begins

they said, “hey girl can you play us a melody & if you’re not sure how it goes

you can add that one to your to-do list & download the lyrics i s’pose”

now don at the bar is a friend of mine, he gets my ice water for free

he loves to sing along w/those rock n roll songs, & sometimes he’s louder than me!

and hermi has been your charming server, this room wouldn’t run w/o those two

w/o them there’d be no refreshments, so w/o them what would we all do?!

*la la la la la laaaaa… la la la la laaaaaaaa la la

sing us a song you’re the piano broad here on the old ________dam

well we’re all in the mood for a melody, so sing us a song won’t you ma’am

we have lots of fun folks from all over, from holland to the U S of A

and places like england and canada & australia where they say “g’day!”

we embarked on this wonderful world voyage and left wintertime far behind

tho some of our friends think 4 months at sea would drive some folks out of their mind

but we all have a sense of adventure, & those naysayers couldn’t keep us away

the sea’s fairly calm and not many lost their lunches til after peru for a few days

we’ve been to grand cayman and costa rica, and the panama canal as well,

we’ve seen alpacas in ecuador and drank pisco in peru, and those big stone heads yesterday were swell!

*la la la  etc.

we played piano bar games like “american pie”; name that tune last week was pretty tough

the competition was fierce tho the prizes were not, but it’s still cool to get some free stuff

and i can’t forget my late night hangers on, i appreciate your nightly support

thanks for all of your awesome additions to my book, these last coupla weeks seemed too short

i’ve seen friends from other cruises i’ve been on, and i’m making lots of new friends here, too

i’m glad we still have lots of time together cause there’s so much to see and to do

i was blown away by this crowd’s sing-along talent, your backup vocals really are a hit

without all your crowd participation, my songs would have sounded like sh-aaaa la la

*la la la  etc.

i am enjoying getting to know you all, and you’ve all been as nice as you please

(dreamily) and i can’t wait til my husband bob gets here… (huckster voice) so you can all buy my cd’s!

that’s right! you’ll be able to get my cd called “after you’ve gone” by diane fast;

they’ll be in the gift shop down the hall where the booze is,

(spoken rapily in dj voice -) “quantities will be limited so you’ll want to hurry while supplies last!”

i wish i could write a verse for every person and include it in this tribute song

but this is already as long as billy joel’s version & his version’s way too damn long

*la la la  etc.

day 17 – sea day

still absorbing the easter island experience!  wow!!!  another sea day, and as we travel west we gain an hour each day… love the extra hour in the day!  i think we’ll gain a total of 5 hours this week, and at some point we’ll be crossing the date line… time traveling, i like to call it… the easter island port song went over well, and they made me play it 4 times, whenever new people came in; that’s a record, i think! that was last night, and i had to encore it again tonight, and the writing teacher asked me to read it at our group today… i guess that one will make the highlights cd before the end…

so my theme tonite was highlights from the 60’s, on the softer side, of course… i did some bacharach, some pretty beatles, etc… they served free wine to celebrate the end of our code red scenario (yay!) and a few people enjoyed that… quite a lot, actually... maybe too much, as i was even heckled a bit loudly last night for the first time in my career here by one individual, but i let it slide, knowing the reason, and just kept going forward with my show gently deflecting until they went away (looking a little green, really).  i will be asking my sharp-tounged cruise director what i am allowed to say in such a situation if it should occur again, and i know he will have something appropriately withering, yet unfailingly polite… i have a hard time with combining those qualities; i’d be good at the scathing part, but don’t know how to package it politely so i don’t get in trouble, so i will enlist his aid… hope i don’t need to use it, but will happily do so if i need to… everyone else was great, and we had some good sing-alongs and a lot of fun people last night, too.  you really can't take poor behavior personally, tho it is always confusing to me (like, what did i ever do to you?  i'm just here doing my job trying to have fun with you guys!)...  the moral of the story: know your limits, people, and be nice to the piano player!  

i miss out on some of the evening crew activities because i work late, so i missed the crew bingo/game nite and raffle… oh well… i am trying to put a crew piano bar show together with the human resources activities person, a late nite set after the gig from 12-1:30 in the crew mess hall with all of the stuff i am not allowed to sing upstairs (dirty version of margaritaville, etc…) – last contract a friend and i did this and it was lots of fun… some folks are already asking when it will be – we secured permission, and we now just need a date… i’ll keep you posted… we are now heading into the lovely south pacific, better dust off “bali hai” and “some enchanted evening.”  missing my babies and everyone at home and afar… hope you are all well!  -df

day 16 – easter island (or rapa nui or isla de pascua)

so the big day finally arrived, after all those sea days!  i knew i had not been selected as a crew escort or i would have received tickets a day or two or at least the night before, but i figured i would get off when all the guests with tours had disembarked and have a look around on my own… when we are in a port without a dock, we tender people in on the lifeboats, and, of course, the guests with tours disembark first and then the crew waits until they announce “open tenders,” meaning that we can get off then if we wish… i knew that if we anchored around 7, i’d probably be looking at 11 or 12 before i could get off, so i didn’t bother to set an alarm… at 9:30 the public address system went on, and it was the captain, letting us know that the southwest side where we were trying to anchor was too rough and dangerous… instant disappointment!  they’d been trying to position themselves well and it would have been too perilous, you could see the waves smashing into the rocks, and we didn’t want to be on a lifeboat in that!  then the captain said we wouldn’t give up just yet, that he would try the north side of the island and it would take an hour or so to figure out if it would work… happily, along about 11:30 he announced that we were anchoring there and would extend our stay to be able to accommodate tours, and you could even see some of the moai (big stone heads) just above the beach in the distance… i was sooo excited, then i heard them saying by the gangway that crew probably wouldn’t be getting off at all… my heart sank… they also said any mobility challenged guests should stay on board since we would have to get off one tender, go through another one they had lashed down on the ther side, cross a small pontoon and get to some stone steps leading up to the shore… i felt bad for our walker/scooter crowd…i went to the library to write for a bit and work on some set lists… i refused to believe that we wouldn’t get to go at all – i mean, i don’t have to work til 7, so i was guessing i should try around 3… i heard them announce the ticketed tenders one or two at a time…

they got to 15 or 16 and then i didn’t hear any more… i went down to the tendering area and asked if it was open yet since i hadn’t heard an announcement, and they said, no, but there’s room if you want to go… yippee!!! my room is right next to the gangway area, so i ran and got my bag with my sunscreen, shades, and camera and practically leaped onto the tender… it felt like christmas or something (easter?)!  i got there, made it ashore in one piece, had a good hike around the beach and hills there to get some snaps of the moai, met up with katzenjammer and a singer called cheryl from brittain i haven’t heard yet, but is very nice, chatted with the park ranger, listened to him bawl out a guy who crossed a fence to get closer to the moai, bought a few souvenirs on the way back from the locals and was very satisfied that i had been able to set foot on easter island, really get a good look about and get some pictures!  i commend our captain for not giving up and doing what he could to make sure people got to see this special place up close and personal… and the crew on board who had to change their schedules, keeping the dining room open past mealtime to accommodate those returning late, it was a great effort on everyone’s part… a very feelgood experience! 

my theme in the piano bar tonight was “you go to my head (my big stone head!)” which featured songs with body parts in the title… (lots of fun to sneak in “great balls of fire” and listen to them giggle)  i have noticed as long as you don’t go past pg-13 ratings guidelines, you can have lots of fun, and they cackle like mad at any slightly naughty thing you might say (see horseshit line in song below…)… i am having a lot of fun with my regulars and getting to know them better… the two guys at the end are almost like those judges in the balcony on the muppet show – it’s the show tune guy and the novelty song guy, and they are pretty funny, especially now that they have joined forces and sit right next to me until i finish every night – the characters are definitely emerging, and the bar seems made for television in moments (like cheers)… i bought a stone moai statue and put him on my piano last night… we named him ray, after the late great ray charles… here’s a few pics from the day… cheers!  df

this is the one where the park ranger took the guys camera cause he climbed the fence

many moai were toppled in times of conflict

villagers at the tender area selling souvenirs

port song for easter island, chile

(to the tune of “lady in red” by chris deburgh)

i never thought i’d make it to set foot on easter island today

cause our anchoring had been delayed

and some folks were dismayed

i figured all the ticketed tender people would head out first

and the case scenario at worst? 

my open tender hopes might burst!

and tho i kept on crossing my fingers

i never knew that it would actually come to pass,

my tender turn at last!

great big stone heads

they’re beckoning me (across the sea)

there’s so many here, on rapa nui

they’re what i want to see

and i hardly know

how many souvenirs to buy

i never will forget

those great big stone moai

the first place we attempted to anchor was too dangerous

but it was so lucky for us

the north side was amazing

i’m glad the captain made every attempt for our benefit

none of us ever will forget 

those white sand beaches and horseshit

and the park ranger guy was so friendly,

except the one dude he actually threatened to send to jail

‘cause he crossed over the rail

to see great big stone heads

from those old cannibal days (a former polynesian craze!)

there’s no need to fear, no maneaters here! 

that was so yesteryear!

and i am so glad,

we came to easter island on this trip

‘cause 10 sea days in a row

would be tough on a ship…

and i wouldn’t have had a song

about something as hip...

as great big stone heads

great big stone heads

those great big stone heads