over the sea day hump, on the downhill slide towards north america… closer to the east coast than to any other continent for the first time in a long time, and i am struggling against indulging in any kind of horse heading back to the barn mentality… and it is hard! i want to be fully present until the end for everyone here, and then i will let myself truly relax at home in good conscience knowing i did as well as i could do here…
tonight i did the final third of all port songs for my featured set – it was great except for a little bit of drama – i have one group, we’ll call them the vocal folks, who like to visit and chat and usually sit in the hall a ways down, and they don’t bother me, because they come often, are lively and fun, they like my music and they actually order beverages on regular occasions. there is a large faction of the piano bar constituency who listens very politely as if in a recital setting, and they don’t appreciate the vocal folks very much. i appreciate that they also are trying to have my back, and concerned whether it is bothering me or not – oh, how i wish they could see the dueling piano bar back in seattle on a friday night with 300+ drunk people and a bunch of slutty bachelorettes grinding away on the stage while someone else is staggering outside to puke and they are breaking up a fistfight at the bar where they are breathing fire with grain alcohol and a lighter and some asshole is trying to grab my mic and i tell him to sit his drunk ass down before i elbow him in the nads… in other words, a little bit of talk in the hall, even a lot, is really nothing to me, especially from paying customers.
i sigh a little, because there is no way to make everyone happy – they all paid for their cruise here, and i have to let them sort it out between themselves, and sometimes, it gets a little tense. i wish everyone would relax – i am not a concert hall, i am a piano bar – it’s ok to be lively, it’s ok to clap and sing along, and it’s ok to visit. it’s also ok to want to hear the music. who gets to be right? it’s all ok with me… yes, i was recording last night, and i did mention it from the stage a few times so people would know not to get too crazy (but they were in the hall, and they were talking, so they couldn’t hear me)… it wasn’t so bad that i felt the need to say anything directly to them, so my advice to piano bar fans is this – go to the early sets if you want more polite listening, and in the later sets, expect a little noise. the player is going to let people know if it’s too much or just take a break if people are too out of hand – and if you are a talker, maybe it’s good not to sit right by the stage or right behind me at the bar, but guess what? it happens… on a big enclosed tin can for weeks and weeks at a time, it’s best just to develop a lot of tolerance, patience, and a live and let live attitude. there are as many ways to enjoy an evening as there are guests, and they all paid for their tickets. i wish we could make a uniform setting that could please everyone, but that will never happen, so hopefully people will consider this next time they cruise.
on a brighter note, my big brother, dan, who is stuck for weeks at a time in the middle of the alaskan wilderness, came up with a port song for me! how about that?! it gave me a chuckle, and i asked him if i could put it here…
Diane’s World Cruise
(to the tune of “Gilligan’s Island )
INTRO:
Juuuuussst…. Sit right back and you’ll hear a tale,
a tale of a fateful cruise-
It’s centered ‘round a piano bar,
where all are drinking booze…..
Diane was the featured singer there,
She had some awesome pipes-
When guests crept up and touched her back,
That was her biggest gripe-
That was her biggest gripe…
[**sound of lighting/thunder**]
The weather started getting rough,
The waves they’d start to curl-
If not for Di’s medley of strong show-tunes,
The guests would surely hurl…..
The guests would surely hurl!
The ship reached many ports-of-call,
and sailed with quite the group:
including Diiiiiii……..
and Bob-man too……..
the Captain annnnnd….
his First Maaaaate……
No “Piano-Man,” J
Cruise Director and-
their great crewwwwww-
HERE ON DIANE’S WORLD CRUISE!!!!!
EPILOGUE:
Now that was the tale of Di and Bob,
They’ve been at sea for weeks-
We’ve followed with her awesome blog,
like true computer geeks….
We know that Di and bassist Bob,
have done their very best-
to make all shipmates comfortable
in their tropic cruise-ship nest…
No phone!- no yard!- no full-sized bath,
& missing their fam-ly….
they’ll tough it out for one more week,
for Nino and Gimli!
So join them on their next Grand Voyage,
you’ll surely never snooze-
As Diane sings and Bob plays things-
HERE ON DIANE’S WORLD CRUISE!!!!
© MMXI; Dan Hoffman Productions,
Any unauthorized reproduction without the express written consent of the National Football League is expressly prohibited;
All characters and characterizations expressed or implied are completely fictitious in nature, except those that are true;
Soundtrack available on Sony Records.
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